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Top 10 Worst Car Movies Ever

When it was announced that Ron Howard would direct the ultimate high-octane drama Rush, everyone began to speculate: would it become the 2nd consecutive flop for him?

Although it may seem that the Oscar-winning director has had a trouble-free career, he does know the bitter taste of a flop. A lot was riding on the success of Rush. It’s 4 years since Howard’s Angels & Demons enjoyed commercial success. It was followed up by The Dilemma – one of 2011’s loudest flops – and then a two-year pause ensued. So the pressure was really on!

However, Ron Howard seemed to exude confidence all the way – after all he’s an old hand at making car movies. His directorial debut was a motor mayhem! It was a comedy Grand Theft Auto (no, nothing to do with the popular game) which he also played the lead in. Although I still haven’t forgiven him crashing the Rolls Royce, it was a great film and I’m quite happy I don’t have to add Rush to this Worst Car Film list:

Cadillac Man

Favorite quote: You know what you are – you’re an ass-half… Takes two of you to make an ass-whole. (haha everybody, it was a joke!)

No offense, both Robin Williams and Tim Robbins are brilliant actors but their skills don’t save the film from being a disaster. It’s so full of ridiculous puns and clichés about car salesmen that you simply struggle to get any enjoyment out of the whole experience. The problem with this film is that it’s a bit messy. The story and the characters aren’t bad but the script and execution are horrible. And after spending almost 100 minutes watching it, you end up with more questions than you began with. I’m not even sure whether this is a comedy or a drama… Confused!

Race The Sun

Favorite quote: They need help! They need our help!

As far as underdog movies are concerned, Tin Cup is acceptable because it has Kevin Costner in it, Cool Runnings is cute because it’s got a good storyline and features a sport that most of the English-speaking world have never heard of but Race the Sun is just OTT. It feels as if you’re watching an amateur documentary. How could any film manage to beat Pollyanna in “sugar content?” I think we’re pretty clear on Halle Berry but James Belushi? You used to be my childhood hero. You used to be in Salvador and The Principal. What happened?

Herbie: Fully Loaded


Favorite quote: I didn’t do that. It was the car.

OK, good old times when Lindsay Lohan was still attractive and not on crack. What’s not to like? Firstly, it’s the promo poster. If we were to make a Top of worst ever film posters… but we’re not and I can hear you shouting that we can’t diss a film purely on the basis of somebody not liking its promo poster. OK! There is a more serious issue with this film. It’s a bit too sophisticated for kids and too cheesy for adults. No wonder there’s no real fanbase apart from a bunch of Beavis & Butthead wannabies who are more concerned about tight T-shirts and less responsive to the whole noisy car and racing stuff.

Driven

Favorite quote: Because when he’s on, he’s one of the best you’ll ever see. Just sit back and watch!

How could Renny Harlin go from directing Die Hard 2 to making “this” in the space of a decade? I always thought the directing skills were supposed to get better with time. The crew didn’t have enough money (or guts) to crash real cars that’s why so much low-quality CGI is used. The plot lacks any depth: the characters keep pissing off each other. The rookie gets on the champ’s nerves, so does his fiancée and I’m not mentioning the team boss who basically gets on everyone’s nerves. The only way this difficult relationship situation can resolve is obviously a pile-up. The pile-up on its own couldn’t quite justify the film’s existence, hence the $40 million hole in the production company’s pocket.

Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon


Favorite quote: MIA, dead, died in a car accident, killed, DOA, car death… it’s like these guys can’t drive, they can fly into outer space but they can’t drive a car.

The cars are really cool, the chase scenes are technically well-staged and the special effects are okay-ish, however, from the cinematic perspective, there’s not much going on for this film. Unfortunately, the undeniable talent of Rosie Huntington-Whiteley didn’t quite make up for the lack of a focused screenplay. Ok, you’re trying to forgive them for the bad acting, silly jokes, and other shortcomings because you anticipate the battle scene. And then when it comes to that, It’s as long-winded as the party scene in The Leopard, only the latter is more exciting.

Gone in 60 Seconds

Favorite quote: I just stole fifty cars in one night! I’m a little tired, a little wired, and I think I deserve a little appreciation! (no you don’t)

It was inevitable. One of the 60s had to be on this list. The only question is which one? The original or the remake? The remake. It’s so predictable! And then there’s the acting. Both Nicolas Cage and Angelina Jolie are decent actors but if you imagine a hypnotist coming along saying: “after you hear the click you’ll forget how to act and then after the set is cleared you’ll have no memory of what happened.” I assume that’s exactly how it happened because they’re both pretty good in the subsequent films. Can you imagine falling asleep during a car chase scene? Well, sorry, it has ever happened to me once and it was while watching Gone in 60 Seconds. Even the Countryside 999 has better action. By the way, the original 60 came that close to being featured on this list. The only saving grace is that I’m not doing a Top11 list.

Drive Angry

Favorite quote: I never disrobe before gunplay! (urgh, cringy alert!)

Another predictable plot and another one featuring Nicolas Cage? Coincidence? Surely must be a coincidence because Nicolas Cage is really picky and chooses never to appear in bad films. They’ve tried to pack in some action, zombies and car chases but this is not really working because everyone can clearly see where this all is heading. The surprise element is missing and the characters are badly developed. Amber Heard on the other hand is nicely developed, however, that didn’t save Drive Angry from becoming a box office flop losing $15 million.

Redline

Favorite Quote: You’ve got a jokes woman, you’ve got jokes! How fast does my blue baby go?

Well, crashing beautiful cars for the sake of crashing cars is a silly idea. Being a talented stunts coordinator and being able to jump as high as Jackie Chan doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a talented director. Back to stunts, Andy Cheng, lucky you didn’t quit your day job. Most of the stuff going on in the film has no logical explanation whatsoever and that’s probably why it’s so unpalatable. For example, how do you explain why a tuning shop owner greets the customers with a live performance of a horrible rock song? And then when Eddie Griffin comes in with his pun-spangled monologues, all you can do is roll your eyes and hope for this nightmare to end ASAP.

Cannonball Run II

Favorite Quote: That’s why I want to get a headstart. See you in Connecticut! (Frankie says)

Despite the lineup including Burt Reynolds, Jackie Chan, the full set of Hollywood Rat Pack and Telly Savalas (and it’s not even a horror film), it was a true disaster. The film received eight Golden Raspberries and a good thrashing from critics. The plot is based around a million-dollar race with a destination in Connecticut. Really, Connecticut? Could you not come up with a more exciting destination? I suppose the main problem with Cannonball Run II is that it hasn’t got a story. It’s a compilation of guest appearances and some random people driving cars.

200 M.P.H

Favorite quote: “Yeah??? That’s why I’m here,” [leans towards the camera] “Jay, I’m ready for anything!”

The problem with this film is that there’s one actor who can act and a couple of dozen who can’t. Even a bigger problem is that the actor who can act is killed at the very beginning of the film. The remaining 80 minutes of footage is made of hackneyed dialogue and horrible CGI. They’re clearly driving borrowed cars and the propman has admonished the crew that any scratches on them beauties would have to be paid for out of the wages. Despite this film having been produced in 2011, its computer-drawn cars are much worse than those of Midtown Madness, which was released well before the dot-com bubble burst. And the biggest surprise is that we’re not talking about an indie effort. You stop wondering after you’ve learned that this film has been released by The Asylum studio (a befitting name) – the same studio that is responsible for Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus and other similar mutant atrocities.

This horrible list was put together by Arvid Linde from Creditplus.co.uk Car Blog. You can find more car-related awesomeness on the Google+ profile. Sincerest apologies go out to Burt Reynolds and Nicolas Cage for mentioning their films more than once.

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The Author

Jim Napier

Jim Napier

Lover of movies and The Big Lebowski.